Jokes

I wish I could remember a fraction of the great one liners I hear regularly at live comedy shows. See also Would you rather.

• In reference to his ex girlfriend (at a comedy rap battle): “A night with her is like a pint of Tennents, absolutely no head and a slight aftertaste of metal”
• “I've been depressed for a few years. Ever since I coached a swimming team back in college for a big race. I said 'Everybody, today I want you to all swim like you never have before!' A lotta people drowned that day”
• “My girlfriend has Vajazzles and she's put on a lot of weight recently. Now it looks like someone kicked in a disco ball.”

New film names you can come up with by adding one letter:

• The Spy Who Loved Men
• Diet Hard
• Citizen Kanye
• Irony Man
• Ex-Men
• Shaving Private Ryan
• The Hoarse Whisperer
• The Green Smile
• Speedo
• The Thingy
• The 400 Year Old Virgin
• Harry Pottery
• The Dark Knight Rinses